Title:           The feats of Anon
Author:          Red123456789
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/hTKvgA1Q
First Edit:      Monday 13th of July 2015 02:24:46 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Sunday 2nd of August 2015 06:57:03 PM CDT

>You are Anon
>One time transdimensional traveler extraordinaire
>As in you traveled to Equstria once
>And you haven't moved from there ever since
>Thanks to Equstria's unique environment, you have been gifted with powers far surpassing those of it's ordinary residents
>You are faster
>Stronger
>More agile
>And after doing a few good deeds around Ponyville, princess Celestia has noticed your unique abilities and has given you an ultimatum
>"Anon, I have seen what you are capable of doing and I see much potential in you. If you do a few tasks for me, I will name you my Champion. I do not promise you immortality, but you will be immortalized as a hero and a legend"

>This brings us to the first challenge
>You are in he Everfree Forest
>On your way to the Froggy Bottom Bog in search of a hydra to slay
>Like some Greek hero
>Part of the task is to slay the hydra while being unarmed
>So there you are
>Alone
>In a bog
>In your white shirt, sleeves rolled up, stylish pantaloons and a pair of boost
>You ain't planning on getting your coat and shoes dirty and torn up
>The rest of the attire could always get cleaned or stitched
>But those two articles
>No way
>No one would pay attention if your pants get redone
>And you almost always wear and coat so the shirt isn't that noticeable
>A tie can always be bought
>But the shoes are way to precious to you
>They are one of a kind
>The stitching on them is incredible
>They are extremely comfortable
>They always look good
>Whether it be a casual meet up or a fancy dress gathering
>Those shoes are killer
>And the jacket
>It's one of a kind
>Specially tailored for you
>You have this thing, where one shoulder is slightly higher than the other
>It isn't normally all that noticeable
>But when you are wearing smart clothing like the ones you are used to
>It practically gauges out the eyes
>Either one sleeve would be too short or too long
>Your tailor had fixed the problem with his tailoring magic
>Now nobody can notice
>And you had him make hidden spaghetti pockets, for a quick snack whenever you are on the go
>It's just something you can't ask from any tailor
>As you are walking along and thinking about your incredible fashion sense you failed to notice that the hydra has snuck up behind you
>You just noticed it, as you got hit in the back by a tail, flew a couple of meters and broke a tree in half
>Nice job

>The beast is running right towards you
>It's incredibly fast for a vertebrate with five necks
>One would think that it would have problems sending signals to its body parts
>But maybe it goes on mostly instinct and all the heads have a hive-mind
>And there you go, going on with one of your daydreams in the face of mortal danger
>Scribes would probably write that you were a deep-thinker who would basically ignore death when in it's presents
>But we all knew that you were just a fuckwit who couldn't prioritize very well
>But enough inner monologues
>Time can move only so slowly in you head
>You quickly regain your battle stance and grab a piece of the tree you just broke
>In the face of mortal danger, you remember your 4th grade literature classes
>Whenever you chop off the head of a hydra, two more will grow back
>The middle head spits fire
>And it can be killed by fire
>The last two always struck you as counter intuitive
>As you conclude your reminiscence of time long by, one of the heads tries to bite you
>Your quick reflexes take the better of it
>You jump back and slam it in the neck with the tree, causing its cervical vertebrae to snap horrifically
>You figured that since the head is in its place, no other heads will grow
>You were right

>No new heads, but the old ones roar in pain
>It looks like it has some bizarre form of a nervous system
>In retaliation, the middle head blows fire at you
>You quickly row out of the blaze
>As you row, the other heads try to bite, but thanks to your uberequine abilities, you have a constant awareness of your surroundings and you manage to dodge every one of it's attacks
>You manage to gain some distance between you and the hydra
>While it is stomping towards you, you glance over to where the fire was shot
>It was the remainders of the tree
>It was an old tree, so it managed to catch fire quite fast
>You continue your barrage of rolls right underneath the multi-headed abomination and you reach the burning wood
>You grab a large enough piece of it and, unaffected by the flames, you throw it
>The make-shift spear stabs the middle head of the hydra right through it's skull
>All the other heads starting loosing their shit
>Waving all over the place
>After a few minutes of shrieks, the creature dies
>You rip that stabbed head from it's neck as proof of your success and as a trophy in your soon to be mansion
